Life of the Magnificent Kimmi

why do i feel so lazy?

I’m feeling hungryyyyy!

The guy I’m talking to, Roger, treats our bond as a relationship. He doesn’t want the label and completely oblivious to my feelings. He just like doing the things couples do. Like a honeymoon stage. Its been almost a year so I am not sure whether or not I am impatient and I am tired of living in this “moment”. I stay because I care for him and what he’s done for me. He’s taken a great deal off my shoulders. Am I asking for too much? For a boyfriend? Doesn’t every girl deserve one? Celebrities have many many more than just one why can’t I just have ONE? He’s a great guy and all of my friends approve of him, but am I pushing this too hard… To be honest I don’t think I am because I know what I want and I’m trying the best I can to be patient and consider him before me. 

It looks like he doesn’t consider my feelings… Every time I try to talk about something serious he wants to turn it into a joke. He’s always like “maybe” “uh huh” or goes off topic. It really gets on my nerves… I mean sometimes I would laugh and think its a joke, but when I am trying to open up he doesn’t want to. He says “Oh that’s too personal”. Wow, really? Whats more personal than the two of us? Always hiding behind a bush and putting up a wall. 

Why even treat me like this like I’m special? Why do you even talk to me? Do you even like me for me? I wish I didn’t have feelings for you because your my weakness. When I’m upset… I’m not just upset, I’m VERY UPSET! Doing things that I wish I wouldn’t do. Like it makes me so crazy inside and to know that I can’t even express it to you. To know if you are going to take it seriously or not. Make things so complicated. If we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend, what are we? I always ask him that… I want to know what I mean to him. He always treat me out, takes me to school and takes care of me. Roger is a great gentleman no doubt, but he’s lacking on what I really need. A real man who could be real with me. I’m tired of this because we’re not newlyweds on a honeymoon. People see us and know about us. We’ve been together for awhile. We practically do almost everything together whenever we get the chance. 

I wish you could understand how I’m feeling and know how much it hurts when your mean to me. When I’m sensitive to certain topics and what makes me upset inside. Just early you said I’m “ignorant” when you brought up a sensitive subject about how i look and that it(not that there’s anything physically wrong with me) could be a health hazard… Wow… We’ve been talking for almost a year and this is what you can say to me? You don’t even say you love me, but you hurt me so emotionally without consider how I would feel about it? You know that I have problems and so then you crush me with “you being right and I’m wrong” act. When my feelings are already hurt you just ignore me and avoid the situation by not working out our problems together. SERIOUSLY! 

What really broke my heart was after he said I was being ignorant….

“I’m busy looking at a $500 Burberry sweater” 

That is so fucking contradicting. He was all talking about being financially stable and not going out so much blah blah, need to save some money. Then he goes off and says that, making me feel less than $500 dollars/Burberry sweater. He’s so ignorant of what’s in front of him which is someone who cares for him. More like arrogant too. He didn’t care about my feelings and how his words would affect me because what he says matters to me. That was really out of line. I am so disappointed in him. I admit, I cried. Who says that to a girl they spend time with?

Goodnight.